Wednesday, November 18, 2009

WITnessed : Aliens...

Girl : Whats that sound? (there was some strange sound in the background)
Guy : Aliens are landing...
Girl : Stop scaring me!
Guy : Why are you getting scared? Aliens are friendly...
Girl : How do you know? Are you one of them?
Guy : Shit! I blew my cover! How'd you guess!?
Girl : Is there a reset button hidden somewhere on you? *tapping boy's head*
Guy : I said I'm an alien, not a robot! *laughing out loud*

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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

WITnessed : Weight Loss...

Girl : *excited* I lost 1 kg today!
Boy : Did you just get back from waxing?

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Monday, October 19, 2009

WITnessed : Family

In a cinema hall, Boy puts his arm around Girl...

Girl : *feeling conscious* Behave! There are families sitting here...
Boy: So? How do you think they became families? ; )

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Friday, September 11, 2009

WITnessed : Paying up...

Harika : That was one huge bill we worked up last night!
Pratik : Yeah... I'm surprised we were all carrying so much cash. Vishal, Sagar, Harish, Deepi and I handled it... Did Mohsin have to pay as well?
Harika : Of course Mohsin paid... He paid attention to the bill!

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Monday, September 07, 2009

WITnessed : Hit and Miss...

Cool Guy : If your hair was longer, I would totally hit on you...
Harika : No matter what you do with your hair, I'd never hit on you!

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Friday, September 04, 2009

WITnessed : Just Dial...

Su: Where do I get that shop's number!?
Harika: Just call JustDial...
Mohsin: Why you telling her to "call" JustDial... Just dial... JustDial!

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Wednesday, September 02, 2009

WITnessed : Special Tickets...

Khushboo : 10 thousand dollars for a britney spears concert ticket! Wow that's expensive! Must be some special tickets!
Rakesh : 10,000$!!! Must be like tickets to the changing room!
*everyone bursts out laughing*
Rakesh : I mean where they practice and hang out backstage...
Amit : You mean the green room...
Rakesh : Yeah, I'll be in the room... and you'll be turning green!

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Monday, August 31, 2009

WITnessed : Categirlised!

While chatting over snacks...

Khushboo : There are lots of guys around... but no one interesting enough to date at the moment... I feel like I'm too old for a casual relationship, but too young to get married...
Pratik : How bout him over there... *pointing to a "player" (according to Khushboo)*
Khushboo : Guys like him go into the lowest priority category...
Pratik : lol... What category would I be in? ; )
Khushboo : For you... I'll actually have to make a new category...
Pratik : *grins proudly*
Khushboo : ...which will be even below his category! ; )

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

WITnessed : Mommy knows best...

Girl was out at a karaoke bar at night, when her mum calls her from out of station... (It's late at night and Girl is a little bit buzzed.)

Girl : Hello?
Mom : Hi! How are you? Daddy is here... He wants to talk to you...
Girl : Hi Mummy! I'm great! How are you!?
Mom : *notices that her little Girl is a little buzzed* Aww, your battery is low? You also na... Your battery is always low! Ok sweatheart, we'll call you later.

Can any one guess who this "Girl" is? ; )

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

WITnessed : Facing Fat...

Mohsin had been worrying for a few weeks that he was developing a beer belly. After persistent consoling from Deepi, that he does not (yet) look fat, he finally relaxed.

That same night while they were watching something on the computer...

Mohsin : Whats that sound?
Harika, Deepi : *can't hear anything* What sound?
Mohsin : I thought I heard something...*shrug*

They continued watching, when he suddenly paused the video.

Mohsin: Did you hear that?!
*everyone pauses and listens intently to no avail*
Harika: *suddenly* Aaah... Yes!
Mohsin: *half worried about the sound and half relieved that she heard it* What is it?!
Harika: *irritated* It's the sound of your face stretching! You're getting fatter![1]

Deepi fell of the bed laughing, while Mohsin's face stretched to a bright red color...

[1] Mohsin has been hitting the gym ever since, and is very fit now.

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Friday, August 21, 2009

WITnessed : Feeling hot hot hot...

I got a hilarious email from my sister Sneha, who's an Indian student in Germany.
She says...

I'm so totally fed-up of this conversation :

Sneha: Its so hot today!!
Some stupid German: You shouldn't be complaining about the heat, you come from a hot country!
Sneha: I'm sorry but don't you complain about the cold in winter?! DUH!

Apparently just because I'm from a hot country (India) I should love to sit in the sun and roast. I don't see any Russians getting excited by the bitter cold wind and snow, do you?

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

WITnessed : Quite a bite!

Prashant was annoying Sailu...

Sailu : You must have been a mosquito in your last life!
Prashant : Wow! Mosquito to human in one life cycle... I must have been an enlightened mosquito! Or... *eyes grow wide* I must have bitten Sadhguru![1]

[1] Sadhguru is a yogi/enlightened guru.

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Monday, August 17, 2009

WITnessed : Damage!

Harika : I tore Sagar's t-shirt last night!
Deepika : *shaking head*
Harika : So I'm going to buy him 2 new t-shirts. So I'll need some cash...
Deepika : First you do damage, and then you do some more damage!

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Blog Update : Domain Name Expiry, Resurrection etc.

There was a major mess up with my domain name renewal in May, and I lost my domain name.

Luckily for me, I'm not super famous yet, and 2 months and 89USD later, was mine again.

It's been a good 3 month break from blogging for me... But I'm back!

Lots of fun posts coming up... If you like the stuff here, you can subscribe to my RSS feed :

Monday, August 03, 2009

WITnessed : Going Dutch...

After dinner at a restaurant...

Deepi : I got the bill.
Pratik : Show me the bill, we're going to split it...
Mohsin : (to Deepi) Tear the bill, give him half, and lets split from here... ; )

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

WITnessed : Toiletiquette...

We were chilling at Pranip's place, and Makku got up and went to the loo (after fumbling with his slipper and taking them off)...

Pranip : (a little buzzed) Why did Makku take off his slippers?
Pratik : Because he doesnt want to dirty your bathroom... It might be wet...
Pranip : But the bathroom's clean and dry.
Abhay : Don't worry, it won't be when he comes out!

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Wednesday, May 06, 2009

WITnessd : Mourning...

A gem of a kid (~5 yrs old) who's too smart for his age (like most kids nowadays!) lost his grandfather. He was sad, and mourned his loss, but got fed up after the second day of mourning.

He went over to his neighbour's place and was like...

Patah nahin itne log kyon aa rahe hai!? Sab aate... rote... rulate... khaate... aur chale jaate!
(English Translation : I don't know why soo many people are coming home. They just come, cry, make granny cry, eat, and leave!)

I'm sure his grandfather must have chuckled in his grave. May he rest in peace.

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Friday, April 24, 2009

WITnessed : Breaking Up...

After dating for quite a while followed by a few months of long distance on and off, a couple of my friends finally broke up.

She said to him...
Congratulations! You are finally free! First you were pricey... then you were cheap... and now you are totally FREE!!!
I would have added "priceless" right in the beginning before pricey, but then again I didn't just break up with him.

Belated Happy Independence Day to both of you darlings! : )

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

WITnessed : Assumptions

Talking about something random when I "assumed" something...

Deeksha : Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups!
Pratik : Wow! What a line! Who came up with that?
Deeksha : Someone called Deeksha Nanda came up with that... *proud chuckle*
Pratik : This Deeksha Nanda appears to be quite an intellectual!
Deeksha : Haha, yes... of course I am. Thank you! : )
Pratik : But then again, that would be just another assumption, wouldn't it?
Deeksha : GRRRRRR!

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Thursday, April 09, 2009

WITnessed : Smoking Buddies

Over hookah at Coco's....

Nick : I got 2 vaporizers, a hookah, and a box full of flavoured tobacco at home... All for free! :)
Pratik : Wow... How come?!
Nick : One of my friends gave it to me. He owns half of this smoking company which sells all kinds of hookah/smoking stuff.
Pratik : Nice... Always useful to have friends in high places! ; )

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Monday, April 06, 2009

WITnessed : Your name is...

This one's a classic...

Vikas and I were goofing around (as usual) in the Electronics Lab[1]... We were sitting right in front, and were cracking up on one of our jokes, when the professor (who we affectionately called Goofy) lost his patience.

Prof. Goofy : Enough of this fooling around! If you want to laugh go outside the lab and laugh as much as you want!
Vikas, Pratik : Sorry Sir. (stifling our laughter)
Prof. Goofy : Vikas, and... (pointing to me) Erm, whats your name?
Pratik : Pratik, Sir...
Prof. Goofy : Yeah... You two stand up... Pratik, and... (pointing to Vikas) Erm, whats your name?
Vikas : Erm... Vikas.

I look at Vikas, he looks at me, and we both burst out laughing again. I couldn't control myself, so I got up, excused myself, and walked out of the lab voluntarily.

Poor Vikas was bravely trying to contain his laughter and was even managing to look apologetic, till he saw me through the window, laughing my ass off outside. He joined me outside a couple of seconds later...

[1] This was in 11th standard in Nowrosjee Wadia College.

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Thursday, April 02, 2009

My Blog Gets a Makeover... Finally!

So I finally PIMPED out my blog! : )
I spent 1 full day working on this template, and only 2 whole nights tweaking the dang thing!

I'm quite happy with how it's turned out so far! (Lots more tweaking to come...)
I've put in a couple of nifty "hidden" features, that you'll totally love... once you find/notice them. : )

The look and feel I was going for while designing this template was...
1. simple
2. elegant
3. fresh + fun

Hope you like the new look, cos I'm loving it!
: )

Let me know what you think...

WITnessed : Electric Birds

There were a number of birds sitting on the electricity lines.
And there was a loud PHATT noise...

Pranav : What was that sound? I think the transformer blew!
Manisha : Poor birds... Unki toh WATT lag gayee hogi!

[This simply cannot be translated to English... : ) ]

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

WITnessed : Snoring...

Afrin : (asking Azmin) Didn't you hear Shammi snoring? He was so loud!
Shammi : Arrey, that's because I was having a sound sleep.

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

WITnessed : Bad Timing...

While Urvashi and Vartika were riding on their noisy bike late at night... (The noisy bike was attracting unwanted attention from random guys passing by...)

Random Guy : Whats the time...? Erm... I don't have a watch...
Urvashi : 11:30...

Random Guy says thanks and moves on...

After 10 seconds, Random Guy slows down again, and looks to Urvashi...

Random Guy : Excuse me, whats your name?
Urvashi : Why?! You don't have a name either?!

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Friday, March 27, 2009

WITnessed : Manisha Strikes Back...

Manisha struck back after this and this...

Pratik : Manisha has the worst taste in women! Whenever she tells me that one of her friends is "soooo hot", she gets my hopes up, and invariably they are definitely NOT!
Manisha : But I find them hot!
Pratik : Manisha, you have terrible taste in women!
Manisha : So that's good for me na... Anyways I'm not into women.
Pratik : So what if you're not into women, you should still have good taste... in general.
Manisha : Fine, I have bad taste... If I had good taste I wouldn't be friends with you would I?! :P
Pratik : Ouch! *heartbroken*
: )

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

WITnessed : Frustration vs Perversion

After Khushboo cracked some pervert (non veg) joke... (that wasn't funny enough to make it to WITnessed...)

Khushboo : Day by day I'm becoming more and more perverted! What's happening to me!?
Pratik : It's a sign on frustration Khushboo... You need to get some action.
Neha : Hahaha true... But then how frustrated are you Pratik!?
(I make the odd risqué joke every now and then...)
Pratik : That applies to women only... Men are natural perverts... For us, it works the other way round... ; )

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fun Photos : Note!

Vending machines/parking paying machines are rather boring usually...
But this one I saw in Pretoria (or was it Johannesburg?) sure had a sense of humor! : )

It says...
"Please Note : Change will only be in coins"
Don't know whether the wordplay was intentional or not, but I LIKE! : )

Monday, March 23, 2009

WITnessed : Movie Moves...

We were lounging about and I was checking out the newspaper. I reached the movie listings...

Pratik : I'm the only one who hasn't seen Dev D yet! I hope it's still in the theatres... You must have seen it?
Khushboo : Yup...
Pratik : (on finding Dev D in the listings) Hey! It's still playing! 1030pm at PVR... Wanna watch tomorrow?
Khushboo : Tch Tch Pratik... Is that how you ask a girl out for a movie?!
Pratik : Haha... Right... I need to work on my pick up skills... ; )
Yash loves the movie... Maybe he'll come watch it for the 5th time... : )
Khushboo : Actually I've watched it, so I don't want to pay for a ticket, but I don't mind watching it at home... Or if someone pays for my ticket...
Pratik : Tch Tch Khushboo... Is that how you ask a guy out for a movie!?

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

WITnessed : Gymin...

Khushboo : I need to start doing gym again! I have no stamina... I keep thinking I'll start, but keep postponing.
Pratik : Building stamina huh... Who's this Jim fellow btw?

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Friday, March 20, 2009

Quotes : Our Greatest Fear...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Nelson Mandela Marianne Williamson in her book 'A Return to Love'

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Witnessed : Marriage Reloaded...

Our friend A was getting married. (This is his second marriage.)

Pratik : You know A is getting married this week...
Mubin : What?! Is he calling it Marraige 2.0!? hahaha
Pratik : lol... He should! So you're coming right?
Mubin : No I don't think so... I don't like to see people make the same blunder twice!

This was all in good humor. Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. A! Hope you live happily ever after! : )

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

WITnessed : Lunch Time!

Abhay calls for early lunch at work... (on chat)

‎‎Abhay : Sound mind resides in a sound body, so i say lets feed the body first
‎‎‎‎Pratik ‎‎ : stop making soo much sound... erm noise! i'm trying to work...
‎‎‎‎Khushboo : abhay, you should get into advertising
‎‎‎‎Abhay : I see that people here are interested only in the food for thought
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Pratik's Food Wastage Principle

This happens to me ever so often while eating...

Person : I'm stuffed already, but I still have so much food left on my plate!
(Person labours on with the food)
I must not waste food! I WILL finish it! *groan*
Pratik : If you're full, leave it. There's no need to stuff yourself.
Person : HAW! How can I waste food like that!? There are so many poor people starving everyday. I'd feel so bad wasting all this food.

And then "Person" continues to finish the food, overeating uncomfortably in the process.
This is one of the most common "Stupid things that otherwise intelligent people do". [1]

It also gets annoying when I happen to be the person with extra food on the plate, and others give me gyaan about world hunger.

Why is it stupid?

1. Once the food is on your plate, (typically) no one else is going to get to/want to eat it.

What happens to the food on your plate has no relation whatsoever to any poor/hungry person anywhere in the world. [2]
- It's not like a hungry person is going to get fed if you finish the food on your plate.
- It's not like the amount of food available to the poor is going to somehow diminish because you "wasted" that extra bit of food on your plate.

2. The extra food is a bigger waste inside your body than in the bin.

Overeating for pleasure is not the smartest thing, but at least you get pleasure from it. Overeating from guilt that someone else somewhere is starving is just plain stupid!
- It's not like anyone is going to eat that food.
- It's not like you enjoy it.
- You're going to be uncomfortable for the next hour or so, and you're going to have the energy of a sleep deprived sloth.
- You're going to strain your digestive system.
- And for the majority of people (the non skinny type) you're going to eat unnecessary calories that you'll either have to work to burn off, or accumulate as fat.

Which brings us to...

Pratik's Food Wastage Principle
"If you have taken too much food, and are full... do NOT overeat just to avoid 'wasting'."
If possible/convenient, give the food to someone else to eat.
If possible/convenient, save the food to be eaten later by you.
Otherwise, just leave the food and remember to take less next time!
Calibrate, and take small portions to begin with.

Aside : Where does this come from?

So I have a theory that this tendency to "eat to not waste" gets programmed into kids when loving moms and grand moms feed the idea to the distracted child to get him to finish eating, even after his mind has wandered from food.
They (very rightly) want to teach the child to value food and not to waste it in general... which is a good rule of thumb. But, like most rules of thumb, people tend to use it without thought, and sometimes in the wrong context. [3]

I am NOT supporting/advocating food wastage.[4]

Nothing should be wasted. Not food, not water, not electricity, not time. I'm still working on the time bit though... : )

[1] I could start a new series on my blog called "stupid things that otherwise intelligent people do". : ) (God knows there are quite a few that I do myself!)

[2] I'm assuming that you're not going to be able to make that left over food in your plate available to a poor hungry person. I don't see any efficient way to do this, whether the poor fellow is across the world or across the street.

[3] But then again, the point of a rule of thumb is to serve as a shortcut to making quick, intelligent decisions without having to start over from first principles. Hmm...

[4] I mention it explicitly for the benefit of those who may not get it otherwise.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

WITnessed : Stomach Upset

Girl : My stomach has been throwing upset for the last three days... I don't know what I ated.
Priya : Oh my god, I cant even digest what you just said!
Girl : Haha... Yes yes, very bad digestion...

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

WITnessed : Monkey MenASS!

We saw a few monkeys and langoors at Dandeli, and were talking about monkey menace in different places...

Gurpreet : There are lots of monkeys in Delhi... And they're also a total menace in Jaipur!
Puneet : Yeah, I know...I got bitten by a monkey once...
Gurpreet : Whoa... Where?
Puneet : Erm... On my ass...

*everyone burst out laughing*

Gurpreet : I meant the geographical "where"... rather than the anatomical "where"... lol

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Monday, March 09, 2009

WITnessed : Early to Bed...

Gurpreet : I'm a total early morning person. At 6am I'm at the golf course..
Vineet : That's why I don't play golf... Early mornings is one thing I can't do...
Gurpreet : Its easy if you sleep early... 9:45 every night I'm in bed with my newspaper...
Vineet : Even I'm usually in bed with the newspaper at 9:45... in the morning!

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

WITnessed : Surya Namaskars...

While Sneha was trying to put on her web cam...

Pratik : So you figured out the Surya Namaskar[1] breathing kya?
Sneha : No ya it dint work... I can't figure it out...
Pratik : Put on the camerea... and I'll show you...
Sneha : What? You're going to do Surya Namaskar on video for me! hehe
Pratik : No... You're going to and I'll tell you the breathing...
Sneha : Why should I do Surya Namaskar for you? You're not the sunshine in my life Pratik!
Pratik : Hahaha... Yeah but I'm the star in your life... So come on, do some star namaskar!
Sneha : Haha... but Mom should do surya namaskar to you! hahaha
Pratik : Huh? Why?
Sneha : Cause you're her only son!

[1] Surya Namaskar is a popular yoga exercise. It means "sun salutation".

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Friday, February 13, 2009

WITnessed : Portable Pets...

Another WitBit from Sneha...

Stephania : I want a fur hat. The kind of hat that Russians wear!
Sneha : Why??? It will look like you have an animal sitting on your head. But as long as its fake fur its ok I guess.
Stephania : No why fake fur? I want real fur! I have real fur on my boots as well.
Sneha : Thats real fur?? Eeek
Stephania : Why eeek? Its so soft. They're like my pets.
*Steph bends down to pet her shoes*
Sneha : Yeah so every time you wear your boots you can say you're taking your pets for a walk!

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

WITnessed : Curtains...

Girl : Do you have curtains?
Boy : Uh... Yes... Why?
Girl : So what color curtains do you have?
Boy : I don't know actually...
Girl : Tell na!
Boy : Why? Do you want to buy me new curtains?
Girl : Tell me!
Boy : Or... Do you plan on stealing my curtains!
Girl : Yeah right! Are you going to tell me or no!?
Boy : Come over and see...
Girl : I will, but tell me what color they are!
Boy : Why do you wanna know anyways?! You're going to wear matching clothes kya?!
Girl : Hmm... Maybe I will...
Boy : In that case, my curtains are transparent... ; ) hahahah

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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

WITnessed : Fruity!

[This little WITbit comes from Sneha, all the way from Germany...]

For dessert we had Lemon Tart and Pear Cake. I asked for only lemon tart because I don't eat fruits and hence no pear cake. So everyone started a discussion about how lemons are also actually fruits.

Assia : Lemon is a fruit! So you can't say you don't eat fruits!
Sneha : Yeah but lemon is not your standard fruit that you can eat raw by itself whenever you feel like eating something.
Assia : So what!? Its still a fruit!
Sneha : Yeah well how do you distinguish between fruits and vegetables anyway - tomato is also supposedly a fruit.
Anna : Well its quite simple really *matter of factly* You can't make vegetable jam!

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Monday, February 09, 2009

WITnessed : Searching...

Over dinner...

Afrin : Have you heard about the Google Bus!?
Pratik : Is it that bus that's doing the rounds of Tamil Nadu?
Afrin : Yes! They've built this awesome bus, and they take it around the villages in Tamil Nadu, and let people use the internet...
Pratik : Pretty cool... But I wonder what the villagers might search for!?
Prashant : Food!

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Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Link Love : Funny!

XKCD is pure genious! Check out "Boyfriend"... I'd call it Vital Stats though... lol

Also check out chastity... Couldn't have put it better myself... ;)

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

WITnessed : Bagging the Purse...

We were at dinner, and I hate carrying my wallet in my back pocket, cos it's literally a pain in the ass.

Pratik : Mom, you carrying your purse? Please keep my wallet in it...
Nana : (in that unique ex-teacher grand mom tone) That's not a purse Pratik. You call that a handbag. Next time remember, OK?
See, this is a purse... (passing my wallet to Mom)
Pratik : Point taken. But that's not a purse Nana, it's a "wallet". Next time remember ha... *chuckle*

lol... we all cracked up, Nana first! : )


I was just imagining what would happen if some teenager tried to steal Nana's purse from her.

Mugger : (pointing gun) Give me that purse old lady!
Nana : That's not a purse, its a handbag! Remember that next time OK! And that's no way of talking to elderly person btw! Halkat melya! Learn some manners. What you doing out on the street mugging people anyways!? Where do you stay?
Mugger : Erm... sorry ma'am! I've actually gotta be someplace else right now... Have a good day! *running away as fast as possible!*
Nana : Arre arre! Be careful! You'll get run over if keep going like that!

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Sunday, February 01, 2009

WITnessed : Watersports!

We were in the speedboat getting ready for some para sailing, and the guy was helping us strap on the para sailing gear...

Vikas : Arre gotyavar zasta tight nako kara, nahi tar ratri water sports honar nahi!

English translation : Don't make it too tight around the crotch, otherwise we won't be able to do any water sports at night!

All of us including the para sailing guy burst out laughing!

PS - It's Vikas' Happy Budday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Vikas!
(in his own words) Its the 6th anniversary of his 18th birthday... ; )

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Saturday, January 31, 2009

WITnessed : Introducing Kunaal Kyhaan Seolekar

It is my great honour and privilege to introduce to you Kunaal Kyhaan Seolekar!

Over chat...

Kunaal : write about me in ur blog ;);)
Pratik : hahaha
you need to say something damn funny
or damn stupid
to feature on WITnessed.
: )
Kunaal : hmm.. well.. im gonna get famous so u should do a serious entry on that..
or just write about how u admire me.. because im so inspirational
Pratik : hahaha
you know what... I'm gonna put this up on my blog..
: )
it qualifies on both counts!

I've known Kunaal since he was a little kid, and he's been a super star from the start!
He's planning to become an actor and I can't think of a better role for him... So guess who the next Bollywood Superstar is going to be?! ; )

You know you heard it on my blog first! : )

And also... I admire Kunaal, and he's a huge inspiration to me... I'm already a fan! ; )

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Friday, January 30, 2009

WITnessed : Holy Cow!

We were talking about being vegetarian... and Sukhmani was saying that vegetarians will also go to hell, cos they "kill and hurt" plants, and plants also have life, and feelings.

Sukhmani : Actually, the only people who are going to go to heaven are cows...

She proceeded to argue that the blades of grass that cows eat don't die, and neither do they suffer, while being munched on by cows. There was also something thrown in about digestive juices of a cow, but we lost track since we were laughing so hard...
: )

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Thursday, January 29, 2009

WITnessed : Drinking Problems

After a night of drunken madness I see my pal, Mr. G limping around office the next morning, looking like he's suffering from Cancer or something... His friend Paryushan was supporting him.

Original (hindi) Version :

Pratik : What up man? Itni phatee hui kyon hain?
G : Kya bataooo yaar bada bura haal hai! *groan*
Pratik : Zyaada pee li kya kal raat ko?
G : Haan yaar... Bahut problem hai! *groan*
Ek toh raat bhar so nahi paya... 10 bar ulti ki hogi maine! *moan*
Doosri baat, har ek aadhe ghante pe toilet bhi jaana padh raha hai.. loose motions ho gaya hai! *groan*
Pratik : tch tch tch... poor you ...
G : Aur paachvi baat - yeh saala ankle bhi toota hua hai, toh chal nahin pa raha main. *groan*
Pratik : Arre?! 1, 2 ke baad seedha 5 pe kaise pahuch gaya?
G : Pehle do toh double the na! *moan*

English Version :

Pratik : What up man? Why you looking soo dead!?
G : Don't ask man! *groan*
Pratik : Had a bit much to drink last night eh?
G : Yup... And now I'm soo screwed.... *moan*
First of all, I couldn't sleep all night... I must have puked around 10 times! *groan*
Second, I was on the pot every half an hour. Got loose motions real bad! Nothing's staying in only! *moan*
Pratik : tch tch tch... poor you ...
G : And fifth, my stupid ankle is also spraint! So I can't walk properly! *groan*
Pratik : Huh?! From first and second, how did you reach fifth directly?!
G : The first two were double na! *moan*

It was so spontaneous and hilarious, especially with his signature groan, that both Paryushan and me literally fell on the floor laughing, while poor Mr. G was limping around groaning and moaning and cursing us!

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

WITnessed : Eureka!

While getting up from the table after dinner at Cocos...

Manisha : Wow! See my head fits in this light shade soo nicely!
Pratik : Congratulations! So how does it feel to finally have the light bulb ON in your head?
Manisha : Hahaha! Good one! *after a second* Nooooo! Do not put that up on WITnessed!

: )

And then she proceeded to pose for this photo... Which I took from her phone since my phone was dead...

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Fun Photos : Saving Electricity Tip#21...

This is how Vaibhav gets Makku to save electricity, money (lower electricity bills), and the world (indirectly)!
(They're flatmates.)

One would think that in today's hi-tech world, we might have geysers that have a timer telling them to go off 30 mins after putting them on... I know I would buy one of those!

Business Idea : The simplest thing I can think of is to have a small timer circuit that goes off after 30 mins.[1] One can plug the geyser into that, and the timer into the main source.

I forget to switch off the geyser about once in about 2 months... But every single day, one part of my brain is paranoid about remembering to switch it off.
I would definitely use this, not as a replacement for switching the geyser off everyday, but as a back up, in case I forget.

Apart from the saved electricity, it would be worth it for me just for the peace of mind.

Would you use this? Would you buy this for 50 bucks? Maybe I can convince someone to build these!

[1] The time could be configurable with a dial so one can set it to 15, 30, 45, 60 or 120 mins.

Monday, January 12, 2009

WITnessed : Sweaters and Jackets...

Ron was wearing this very cool hot dress, but also had on this sweater which was ruining it...

Pratik : Ron! Hot dress! But lose the sweater...
Ron : No now its too cold...
Fa : Thandi hai... toh bandhi hai!

And we all cracked up... lol

Alisha's been into funky jackets lately... So in order to not leave her out...

Fa : I've got a line for Alisha also... *all excited* "Jacket mein packet!"

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Pratik's Junk Food Law

Junk Food Law :

"Junk food is delicious, but only upto around 2 portions.*"

(* "portion" varies from junk food to junk food.)

I'm not a huge junk food junky... but I do like pizza, fries, chips, samosas, cookies, chocolates, puffs, muffins etc...

After extensive research and experimentation, I've noticed a pattern...
The first bite is always the best... and the second is pretty darn good too! In fact the entire first piece is yum! Tastes good, feels good... makes you wanna go for another portion. You bite into the second one - hmm... still good... but by the time you finish the second portion, the "yummyness per bite" has started to go down...
You might go for another (3rd) portion and then suddenly you'll notice this small component of "yuckiness" with each bite... (usually the side effect of oil, refined starch etc...) Now as you keep going, "yumminess per bite" keeps dipping slowly, while "yuckiness per bite" goes way up.

Any more junk and you are so going to regret it within the next hour - depending on the particular choice of junk, its going to be acidity, nausea, sugar rush or feeling like you've got a brick in your stomach.

My research shows that everyone in general responds to Junk Food this way... Some people are more tolerant of Junk (their Junk Food Threshold is higher), but in general, this pattern seems to be pretty universal.

After tons of experimenting, I'm proud to present...
Pratik's recommended junk food amounts :
Pizza - 2 slices.
Subway Cookies - 3/4th for single chocolate, and 1/2 for double chocolate.
Blueberry Muffins - 1.25 (this one's tricky)
French Fries - about 5- 10 fries max.
Cake - 2 pieces max!
Samosas - 1 (I can't do more without feeling queasy, unless I'm starving and it's fresh + hot)
Potato Chips - about 5 - 10 chips max.
Kurkure - about 5 - 8 crisps.
Chaat - exactly one plate. No more, or you'll regret it!
Paani Pooris - about 5.

Heat Caveat : [1]
When the junk is fresh/hot, the apparent "yum" factor goes up, and the apparent "yuck" factor shrinks. Hence it's very easy to cross the Junk Food Threshold at such times... You might regret it after an hour, but very often, it is totally worth it! ; )

Pratik's Junk Food Principle :

- Thou shalt under no circumstances eat junk food past the Junk Food Threshold.
- For optimal enjoyment of yum vs yuck, stop 25% short of the Junk Food threshold.
- The only exception is when both you're starving & the junk food is rare + fresh + hot + super yum.
- Always get your junk fresh and hot for maximum Yum!

All right, time to junk out now! : )

[1] I know they don't rhyme... But I'm sure at least a couple of people will think they do... ; )

Friday, January 09, 2009

WITnessed : Snack Attack

Over snacks...

Mubin : (asking the cafetaria guy) Whats this chocolate? (pointing to some fake "foreign chocs")
Pratik : Why you having these cheap fake chocolates Mubin?
Mubin : I am what I eat - cheap, fast, fake and unhealthy! *proud (at his joke) grin*
Pratik : Haha! Not to forget stale and wannabe! : P
Mubin : Look at yourself first... bloody corny bastard!

I was eating corn... : )

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Thursday, January 08, 2009

Pet Peeve : Spam SMS text messages...


I hate spam messages on my cell phone in general! But there are certain circumstances, when I totally loathe them!

Loathe Circumstance 1 :
I'm totally focused on some thought intensive work. I'm "in the zone" getting tons of work done, and I get an SMS beep beep beep on my phone... Curiosity gets the better of me, and I check the phone only to find a "service message" from Vodafone -
"Catch ur fav stars in up close scenes. Just click here!"
Bloody @#^$^%^#$%^!

Loathe Circumstance 2 :
I'm in the middle of an interesting SMS conversation with a cute member of the opposite sex... We're bantering back and forth, and I've just sent the wittiest/most charming/funniest comeback ever. I'm looking forward to see what she can come up with next... when the phone does its SMS beepity beep again. The heart skips a beat, as I open the message... My awesome phone takes its own sweet time, only to heighten the anticipation...
Soft music is playing in the background...
And suddenly there's a CRASH in the background music...
All this only to see for the 89th time that Airtel has some lame games for free on my broadband connection... GRRR! Take your wretched games, turn them sideways and shove em!

Lessons :
- Do NOT sign up for GPRS if you're not gonna use it... You'll get a lot of perverted spam!
- Never give your number out to a rival any Mobile Service Provider ever!

Its been a while since I've ranted! Feels good! : )

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Fun Photos : Customer Care with a Heart!

I didn't want my credit card statements lying around in my unlocked house mailbox. I could have bought a lock, but instead I mustered up all my courage and patience to rise to a bigger challenge - to call up ICICI bank customer care and get them to change the delivery address to my office address.

After I finished spelling out each word of my current home address, and my office address, the customer care lady was kind enough to ask me whether I want my statements sent to me by email as well. And so I proceeded to spell my email address to her... P - R - A - T - I - K - underscore - S - T - E -P - H - E - N at

The next month, I get this...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

WITnessed : Baby Blunders...

I was coming to work in the office cab today... In the back seat there was me, a lady (in the middle), and another guy. The lady looked a little bit pregnant...

Other Guy : (to lady) Hi! So which team are you on?
Lady : So n So team.
Other Guy : (trying to make conversation) So... Congratulations... When is the baby due?
Lady : What baby!?
Other Guy: Erm... Sorry... Never mind... (sinking into his seat silently)

I cracked up! Cos just 1 minute earlier I was wondering whether she was actually pregnant... and how awkward it might be if someone congratulated her and she wasn't pregnant!
I really should travel by cabs more often! Get chauffeur driven, save fuel & pollution, and get entertainment too!

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