Saturday, January 31, 2009

WITnessed : Introducing Kunaal Kyhaan Seolekar

It is my great honour and privilege to introduce to you Kunaal Kyhaan Seolekar!

Over chat...

Kunaal : write about me in ur blog ;);)
Pratik : hahaha
you need to say something damn funny
or damn stupid
to feature on WITnessed.
: )
Kunaal : hmm.. well.. im gonna get famous so u should do a serious entry on that..
or just write about how u admire me.. because im so inspirational
Pratik : hahaha
you know what... I'm gonna put this up on my blog..
: )
it qualifies on both counts!

I've known Kunaal since he was a little kid, and he's been a super star from the start!
He's planning to become an actor and I can't think of a better role for him... So guess who the next Bollywood Superstar is going to be?! ; )

You know you heard it on my blog first! : )

And also... I admire Kunaal, and he's a huge inspiration to me... I'm already a fan! ; )

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Friday, January 30, 2009

WITnessed : Holy Cow!

We were talking about being vegetarian... and Sukhmani was saying that vegetarians will also go to hell, cos they "kill and hurt" plants, and plants also have life, and feelings.

Sukhmani : Actually, the only people who are going to go to heaven are cows...

She proceeded to argue that the blades of grass that cows eat don't die, and neither do they suffer, while being munched on by cows. There was also something thrown in about digestive juices of a cow, but we lost track since we were laughing so hard...
: )

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Thursday, January 29, 2009

WITnessed : Drinking Problems

After a night of drunken madness I see my pal, Mr. G limping around office the next morning, looking like he's suffering from Cancer or something... His friend Paryushan was supporting him.

Original (hindi) Version :

Pratik : What up man? Itni phatee hui kyon hain?
G : Kya bataooo yaar bada bura haal hai! *groan*
Pratik : Zyaada pee li kya kal raat ko?
G : Haan yaar... Bahut problem hai! *groan*
Ek toh raat bhar so nahi paya... 10 bar ulti ki hogi maine! *moan*
Doosri baat, har ek aadhe ghante pe toilet bhi jaana padh raha hai.. loose motions ho gaya hai! *groan*
Pratik : tch tch tch... poor you ...
G : Aur paachvi baat - yeh saala ankle bhi toota hua hai, toh chal nahin pa raha main. *groan*
Pratik : Arre?! 1, 2 ke baad seedha 5 pe kaise pahuch gaya?
G : Pehle do toh double the na! *moan*

English Version :

Pratik : What up man? Why you looking soo dead!?
G : Don't ask man! *groan*
Pratik : Had a bit much to drink last night eh?
G : Yup... And now I'm soo screwed.... *moan*
First of all, I couldn't sleep all night... I must have puked around 10 times! *groan*
Second, I was on the pot every half an hour. Got loose motions real bad! Nothing's staying in only! *moan*
Pratik : tch tch tch... poor you ...
G : And fifth, my stupid ankle is also spraint! So I can't walk properly! *groan*
Pratik : Huh?! From first and second, how did you reach fifth directly?!
G : The first two were double na! *moan*

It was so spontaneous and hilarious, especially with his signature groan, that both Paryushan and me literally fell on the floor laughing, while poor Mr. G was limping around groaning and moaning and cursing us!

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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

WITnessed : Eureka!

While getting up from the table after dinner at Cocos...

Manisha : Wow! See my head fits in this light shade soo nicely!
Pratik : Congratulations! So how does it feel to finally have the light bulb ON in your head?
Manisha : Hahaha! Good one! *after a second* Nooooo! Do not put that up on WITnessed!

: )

And then she proceeded to pose for this photo... Which I took from her phone since my phone was dead...

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Fun Photos : Saving Electricity Tip#21...

This is how Vaibhav gets Makku to save electricity, money (lower electricity bills), and the world (indirectly)!
(They're flatmates.)

One would think that in today's hi-tech world, we might have geysers that have a timer telling them to go off 30 mins after putting them on... I know I would buy one of those!

Business Idea : The simplest thing I can think of is to have a small timer circuit that goes off after 30 mins.[1] One can plug the geyser into that, and the timer into the main source.

I forget to switch off the geyser about once in about 2 months... But every single day, one part of my brain is paranoid about remembering to switch it off.
I would definitely use this, not as a replacement for switching the geyser off everyday, but as a back up, in case I forget.

Apart from the saved electricity, it would be worth it for me just for the peace of mind.

Would you use this? Would you buy this for 50 bucks? Maybe I can convince someone to build these!

[1] The time could be configurable with a dial so one can set it to 15, 30, 45, 60 or 120 mins.

Monday, January 12, 2009

WITnessed : Sweaters and Jackets...

Ron was wearing this very cool hot dress, but also had on this sweater which was ruining it...

Pratik : Ron! Hot dress! But lose the sweater...
Ron : No now its too cold...
Fa : Thandi hai... toh bandhi hai!

And we all cracked up... lol

Alisha's been into funky jackets lately... So in order to not leave her out...

Fa : I've got a line for Alisha also... *all excited* "Jacket mein packet!"

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Pratik's Junk Food Law

Junk Food Law :

"Junk food is delicious, but only upto around 2 portions.*"

(* "portion" varies from junk food to junk food.)

I'm not a huge junk food junky... but I do like pizza, fries, chips, samosas, cookies, chocolates, puffs, muffins etc...

After extensive research and experimentation, I've noticed a pattern...
The first bite is always the best... and the second is pretty darn good too! In fact the entire first piece is yum! Tastes good, feels good... makes you wanna go for another portion. You bite into the second one - hmm... still good... but by the time you finish the second portion, the "yummyness per bite" has started to go down...
You might go for another (3rd) portion and then suddenly you'll notice this small component of "yuckiness" with each bite... (usually the side effect of oil, refined starch etc...) Now as you keep going, "yumminess per bite" keeps dipping slowly, while "yuckiness per bite" goes way up.

Any more junk and you are so going to regret it within the next hour - depending on the particular choice of junk, its going to be acidity, nausea, sugar rush or feeling like you've got a brick in your stomach.

My research shows that everyone in general responds to Junk Food this way... Some people are more tolerant of Junk (their Junk Food Threshold is higher), but in general, this pattern seems to be pretty universal.

After tons of experimenting, I'm proud to present...
Pratik's recommended junk food amounts :
Pizza - 2 slices.
Subway Cookies - 3/4th for single chocolate, and 1/2 for double chocolate.
Blueberry Muffins - 1.25 (this one's tricky)
French Fries - about 5- 10 fries max.
Cake - 2 pieces max!
Samosas - 1 (I can't do more without feeling queasy, unless I'm starving and it's fresh + hot)
Potato Chips - about 5 - 10 chips max.
Kurkure - about 5 - 8 crisps.
Chaat - exactly one plate. No more, or you'll regret it!
Paani Pooris - about 5.

Heat Caveat : [1]
When the junk is fresh/hot, the apparent "yum" factor goes up, and the apparent "yuck" factor shrinks. Hence it's very easy to cross the Junk Food Threshold at such times... You might regret it after an hour, but very often, it is totally worth it! ; )

Pratik's Junk Food Principle :

- Thou shalt under no circumstances eat junk food past the Junk Food Threshold.
- For optimal enjoyment of yum vs yuck, stop 25% short of the Junk Food threshold.
- The only exception is when both you're starving & the junk food is rare + fresh + hot + super yum.
- Always get your junk fresh and hot for maximum Yum!

All right, time to junk out now! : )

[1] I know they don't rhyme... But I'm sure at least a couple of people will think they do... ; )

Friday, January 09, 2009

WITnessed : Snack Attack

Over snacks...

Mubin : (asking the cafetaria guy) Whats this chocolate? (pointing to some fake "foreign chocs")
Pratik : Why you having these cheap fake chocolates Mubin?
Mubin : I am what I eat - cheap, fast, fake and unhealthy! *proud (at his joke) grin*
Pratik : Haha! Not to forget stale and wannabe! : P
Mubin : Look at yourself first... bloody corny bastard!

I was eating corn... : )

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Thursday, January 08, 2009

Pet Peeve : Spam SMS text messages...


I hate spam messages on my cell phone in general! But there are certain circumstances, when I totally loathe them!

Loathe Circumstance 1 :
I'm totally focused on some thought intensive work. I'm "in the zone" getting tons of work done, and I get an SMS beep beep beep on my phone... Curiosity gets the better of me, and I check the phone only to find a "service message" from Vodafone -
"Catch ur fav stars in up close scenes. Just click here!"
Bloody @#^$^%^#$%^!

Loathe Circumstance 2 :
I'm in the middle of an interesting SMS conversation with a cute member of the opposite sex... We're bantering back and forth, and I've just sent the wittiest/most charming/funniest comeback ever. I'm looking forward to see what she can come up with next... when the phone does its SMS beepity beep again. The heart skips a beat, as I open the message... My awesome phone takes its own sweet time, only to heighten the anticipation...
Soft music is playing in the background...
And suddenly there's a CRASH in the background music...
All this only to see for the 89th time that Airtel has some lame games for free on my broadband connection... GRRR! Take your wretched games, turn them sideways and shove em!

Lessons :
- Do NOT sign up for GPRS if you're not gonna use it... You'll get a lot of perverted spam!
- Never give your number out to a rival any Mobile Service Provider ever!

Its been a while since I've ranted! Feels good! : )

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Fun Photos : Customer Care with a Heart!

I didn't want my credit card statements lying around in my unlocked house mailbox. I could have bought a lock, but instead I mustered up all my courage and patience to rise to a bigger challenge - to call up ICICI bank customer care and get them to change the delivery address to my office address.

After I finished spelling out each word of my current home address, and my office address, the customer care lady was kind enough to ask me whether I want my statements sent to me by email as well. And so I proceeded to spell my email address to her... P - R - A - T - I - K - underscore - S - T - E -P - H - E - N at

The next month, I get this...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

WITnessed : Baby Blunders...

I was coming to work in the office cab today... In the back seat there was me, a lady (in the middle), and another guy. The lady looked a little bit pregnant...

Other Guy : (to lady) Hi! So which team are you on?
Lady : So n So team.
Other Guy : (trying to make conversation) So... Congratulations... When is the baby due?
Lady : What baby!?
Other Guy: Erm... Sorry... Never mind... (sinking into his seat silently)

I cracked up! Cos just 1 minute earlier I was wondering whether she was actually pregnant... and how awkward it might be if someone congratulated her and she wasn't pregnant!
I really should travel by cabs more often! Get chauffeur driven, save fuel & pollution, and get entertainment too!

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