Saturday, December 27, 2008

WITnessed : Got Milk!?

When I was giving the All India Engineering Entrance Exam in Bombay, I was staying at Neela Massi & Tipu Uncle's place... (They're both one of my coolest Aunts & Uncles respectively!)

The morning before the exam, Neela Massi was being the good motherly aunt, and making sure I was relaxed, well rested and especially well fed, while I was cramming last minute as usual...

Neela Massi : Do you want anything else to eat?
Pratik : (With my nose in my notes, and my mouth full of fruits) Thanks, but I'm fine... : )
Neela Massi : Will you have anything else to drink? I've got fruit juice - orange, grape etc...
Pratik : Cool... I might have some juice later... Thanks... I'll take it don't worry...
Neela Massi : Should I get you some milk? How do you like your milk? There is hot milk... But if you prefer cold milk, I can cool it...
Tipu Uncle : (chimes in) Yes Neela, do that!
Pratik : Nah its fine... I won't have milk...
Tipu Uncle : I mean just cool it! : ) Let him cram in peace... He'll ask if he needs anything!

And we all cracked up! lol

This happened back in April 2003... But it was so spontaneous and hilarious that I still remember it!

Quick Links :
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Friday, December 26, 2008

WITnessed : Religiously Healthy...

Sneha : Toni, are you guys religious? As in do you go to Church often?
Toni : No we went only for my daughter's baptism! Haven't been there ever since.
Stephania : I think I'm the only one who here who goes to church. Last year I went for an entire week... but then I didn't go anymore!
Toni : Yeah going to church is like going to the gym - you go for a week and then forget all about it!
lol

- Contributed by Sneha... : )
[Feel free to share your "WITnessed moments" and I'll put em up on the blog...]

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

WITnessed : Christmas Gifts...

On chat with my mom a week before Christmas...

Medha : Ok What do you want for X'Mas
Pratik : a biiiiig hug
Medha : That definitely! : ) Looking forward to seeing you soon son!
Pratik : let me finish...
Medha : ?
Pratik : a biiiig hugE GIFT! :D
Medha : lol! k...
Pratik : But I'll take the hug too ha!

Merry Christmas folks! : )
Let me go give my mum her gift, and a HUGE hug, and hopefully get a HUGE gift myself! ; )

[This post was pre scheduled... No, I wasn't sitting on my computer blogging on Christmas Eve...
In fact most of my posts are pre scheduled... So that I have one new post every day rather than 5 on one day, and then none for the rest of the week...]


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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

WITnessed : Tis the Season To Be Jolly...

At Barista on Vaibhav's Happy Budday (Dec 23rd)...

Vaibhav : All right people... Order you're stuff!
Yash : I'll have a mango smoothie!
Khushboo : I'll have a strawberry smoothie...
Neha : Who orders a mango smoothie at this time of the year?! It's not even mango season... Strawberry smoothie sounds soo much better!

After the smoothies arrive...

Neha : (after sipping Khushboo's strawberry smoothie) Hmm... Strawberry smoothie is not bad!
Khushboo : Mango is actually better...
Vaibhav : Yup... its yum!
Neha : (to Yash, with a sweet smile) Let me taste... Give me a sip na...
Yash : Nope... It's not the season! : P



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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

WITnessed : One Stone, Two Birds... Purely Unintentional...

After an hour long, discussion-filled dinner with Neha, Pranip and Yash...

Yash : I don't like Big Bang Theory (the sitcom)... Its too repetitive...
Pratik : Hey! You remind me of that Indian guy Raj in it!
Neha : Hahaha! Yeah!
Pratik : The guy that can't get himself to speak in front of attractive women!
Neha : Hahaha! Yeah! Totally! *sudden realization* Hey! Wait! No! He speaks to me..!

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Monday, December 22, 2008

WITnessed : Sleepwatching...

After a long day in the mall, we were on our way to a movie in the evening, and Birte [1] (Sneha's roomie in Pretoria) was feeling sleepy...

Sneha : You can go home and sleep if you want Birte...
Birte : No its fine... I can sleep in the movie...
Nana : But why would you want to go to a movie if you're sleepy?
Birte : I don't want to go home and be alone...
Nana : But you just want to sleep right?
Birte : Ya, but still...
Nana : Now don't say that you don't want to sleep alone!

PS : Nana is my Grandmom... who just turned 72 this month! : )
[1] For the non Germans... Birte is not pronounced "Berty"! Her name is pronounced "Beer"+"ta"... or Berty... depending on your mood... : P

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

WITnessed : Cyclists Beware!

Over dinner...

Udayan : Yaar, the other day Bagga and me were going to that awesome eating joint, but the cops were on the road so we had to turn back and go elsewhere! [1]
Pratik : Yeah these cops are damn annoying man! You should get a cycle! These cyclists are so lucky... They've got nothing to lose...
Udayan : Except their lives!

[1] They havent registered their bike in Andhra Pradesh State, and so the cops fine them every time they catch them.

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Saturday, December 20, 2008

WITnessed : We are family!

Manisha was hanging out at my place in Hyd with me and my new housemate Avi...
She was being a cranky kid as usual, and I chided her for something...

Manisha : We're like a little family... Dad (pointing to me), Mom (pointing to Avi) and I'm the baby...
Avi : I'm sorry, I don't agree with that!
Manisha : Of course we are! See I'm the kid... And...
Pratik : Stop back answering Manisha! And go to your room!

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Friday, December 19, 2008

WITnessed : Language Barriers...

Rohan, Aditi and Pri were watching "Indian Laughter Challenge" and while the others were cracking up, Aditi had no clue what was going on...

Rohan : In the middle of the jokes Aditi kept asking me to explain what he was saying!
Aditi : Obviously! You both were laughing your asses off, while I'm trying to understand what they're saying. They speak so fast! I can't understand such fast Hindi!

A little while later...

Pratik : Hey Aditi, remember what Rohan said to Fa over dinner last night? I'll put that up on WITnessed...
Aditi : Nah, I don't remember...
Pratik : You were sitting right next to him and cracking up! Do you even listen to your boyfriend's jokes, or just laugh like that only?
Aditi : Listen, ok! *typical Aditi eye roll*
Fa : And it wasn't even in Hindi Adu!

Quick Links :
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Thursday, December 18, 2008

WITnessed : Eatiquette Reloaded

We were at a table on the lawns of a beautiful fort in Jaipur for Pragati's engagement.

Fa : (says something funny about Rohan)
Rohan : Farah... erm... (searching for an intelligent comeback)...
uh... (searching for any come back)... Go f*** yourself!"
Pratik : Haha! The universal comeback!

After he's done eating, Rohan rinses his hands under the table with a glass of water...

Fa : Rohan you ghati! Can't ask for a finger bowl kya?!
Rohan : At least I wash my hands after eating, unlike some other people...
Fa : I know how to eat properly OK, without getting my hands dirty... Unlike some other people!
Rohan : Yeah you don't use your hands na... You just go and lick the plate directly... *gesturing*
Fa : (exasperated) Rohan... *pause*... In your own words, go F*** yourself!

Quick Links :
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

WITnessed : amBUSHed!

I'm sure everyone's seen the video of boots being hurled at Bush... It's a must watch!



Mubin : Did you see that!? An Iraqi journalist flung his shoes at Bush!
Pratik : Yeah man! That was damn sad! I'm pissed off!
Mubin : Huh!?
Pratik : He had not 1, but 2 shots at him, at close range and still he missed Bush! Would have been hilarious if he'd have hit him!
Mubin : Hahahaha... Yeah! But I was damn impressed with how Bush ducked out of the way just in time...
Pratik : Yeah! But where was the Secret Service!? I can't believe the guy had enough time to take off his other shoe and get another shot in!
Mubin : Imagine if he had some weapon on him... like a knife! lol... Bush killed by a knife... in these days of snipers and Kalashnikovs etc!
Pratik : A knife straight to the head...
Mubin : But that won't work with him... No brains anyway! What if they got him in the eye!
Pratik : Haha... Gross!
Mubin : Then even if they manage to save him he'll have to wear an eye patch for the rest of his life!


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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

WITnessed : Motivation!

Manisha : I need some motivational talk yaar! Not been able to focus on work lately...
Pratik : Take me to Coco's tonight, and I'll give you the best motivational talk ever over dinner... ; )
Gitanjali : *all enthu* Motivation!? You need motivation!? Tell me... For what?
Manisha : Ya... For work ya... I've been very blah lately...
Gitanjali : *very matter-of-factly* OK, cool, so you want to quit work... and...?

(Gitanjali, still enthu, is confused now as Manisha gives up while Pratik is laughing his ass off!)

Quick Links :
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WITnessed : Aromatic Lunch...

At lunch in the cafeteria...

Makku walks in with his burger and joins us... Just as he starts unwrapping his burger...

Neha : *sniff sniff* EW! Whats that smell!?
Makku : What smell?
Neha : Is it your burger?
Makku : What you talking about!? My burger smells good!
Neha : I don't know... you just got the burger, and I got that weird smell...
Abhay : Don't forget that Makku also came along with the burger!

*laughs all around*

Later during the meal, we're talking about coming into office early and meeting for breakfast at 930...

Neha : I have to leave by 9... So give me a wake up call by 8:35... Actually 8:45 will also do...
Spandana : Wake up at 8:45 and leave by 9! People do the calculations...
Pratik : No time for bath... That explains the "strange" smell!

Quick Links :
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Monday, December 15, 2008

I Wanted to Change the World...

A poem relevant today, when everyone is excited/agitated and wants to change the world...

I Wanted to Change the World...

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.

I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.

When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town.

I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself...

Suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself,

I could have made an impact on my family.

My family and I could have made an impact on our town.

Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.

This was engraved on the tombstone of a monk in 1100 AD.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

WITnessed : High Maintenance!

Georgia Ice Tea machines, with the promise of unlimited free chilled Iced Tea were one of the highlights of moving to our new Building (3) in Microsoft, Hyderabad.

Unfortunately, as one of my colleagues pointed out... The machine on our floor turned out to be pretty High Maintenance!

Friday, December 12, 2008

What you looking at!?

I was passing by the Botanical Gardens on my way to work one day, and I noticed a little crowd of people standing by the fence staring into the gardens... I figured there must be some Telugu movie filming going on in there.


The next day I was passing by and the crowd was still there, peering in through the fence. I had to find out what was going on there! [1]

So I pulled over and crossed the road. I found a spot between all the peeping heads, and got a peep in myself... The garden was beautiful! Lush green grass, lots of tropical looking trees lined with blooming flowers of every possible hue...
But there was no sign of any movie shoot!

If not a movie shoot, then what were they admiring sooo intently? They seemed to be pointing and staring at some plant... It seemed like a pretty regular bush to me.

I was confused... till a second later, when I noticed a couple sitting right behind the bush...
I wonder if they realised that that apart from holding each others hands, they were holding so many fans in rapt attention!

Bloody voyeurs! lol

So I took out my phone camera & decided to give them voyeurs a taste of their own medicine...
And they were as blissfully unaware of me as the couple was of them! : )

[1] I've seen a Telugu Movie shoot at Golconda Fort before, and it was too funny seeing Rahul Dev being a Telugu villain. The action scene was hillarious, so I could only imagine what a Telugu romantic scene would be like... Plus, some of these Telugu movie actresses are hotties!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

So what can YOU do about terrorism...?

...apart from whining, bitching and complaining?

The Terror Attacks in Bombay on the 27th of Nov were a disaster. Many people lost their lives, many more lost their loved ones. My heart goes out to each and every one of them.

Such events always elicit a whole range of emotional outbursts and responses. A lot of people have been openly advocating "wiping out Pakistan" and such emotionally charged, destructive ideas. But the silver lining is that everyone's agitated, and everyone really wants to do something about this problem.

I was involved in a very interesting mail discussion just a few days after the attacks, while wounds were fresh and emotions were charged. My good friend, Tarika was expressing her sadness at the irrational jingoistic talk of war and revenge going on, and offering alternative, peaceful solutions and viewpoints. There were ambitious young adults (like Ta and I), and a lot of accomplished "more experienced" adults like Ganesh Natarajan on the thread, each offering their 2 paise on the topic...

My response sums up my thoughts on Terror, and something each one of us can do about it...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tari, I can see why you were hurt. Its ludicrous to "blame Pakistan and all Pakistanis".
But I'm impressed that so many of us are passionate about solving this problem, and sensible/open to discussion. Lets hope this passion translates to action, however big or small.

Here's a good analysis of the motives/consequences of the attack - http://www.rediff.com/news/2008/dec/02column-the-consequences-of-the-mumbai-attacks.htm

Here's my take on the "terror" issue:

First Things First...
Let's call the terrorists "Jihadis". Evidently, they came from Pakistan.
Also lets not forget that the Pak Govt itself is also a victim of terrorism inside Pakistan, and I'm guessing they'd like to curb the Jihadi's too.

Why did they attack Mumbai?
The Jihadi's didn't have any specific demands. They just wanted to make a point. A well orchestrated and strategic point that could not possibly be ignored. (The earlier blasts in India hardly elicited any reaction)

So what IS the point?
Before Mumbai Attacks : Pak Govt was helping US on the Afghan border against Taliban and Jihadis.
After the Attacks : The Indian govt is likely to pressurise Pakistan Eastern border. The US needs Pak forces on western border, which will have to be diverted to the eastern border.The US will pressurise India to calm down.
They just wanted to stir things up in India so that all three of their adversaries - Indian Govt., Pak Govt. and US Govt. waste time fighting amongst each other, instead of uniting against them.

Mayhem in Pakistan just gives the Jihadis even more power and freedom.

Solution?
First and foremost, the Indian defence/police/security/intelligence forces need to get their act together!
Option 1 : Take over Pakistan. Clean out the terrorists. Rebuild the country.
(This is just too messy and expensive! No one is going to want to do that, and rightly so.)
Option 2 : Partner with Paki Govt to curb the Jihadis. The Pak govt is closest to the problem, and can be the most effective in solving it.
Manmohan and Zardari need to be intelligent... They need to work together [1] to clean up the mess. [2]
The US will help us cos they have a stake in Afghanistan, and need to clean that up as well.

So what's the "real" problem here? (Understand the "enemy"...)
The Jihadi masterminds are super smart, educated (and often philosophical) people with their own vision of how the world should be... In their minds, they are visionaries who are realising their destiny! And they use brainwashed young, hot blooded boys as pawns to push their own plans and agendas...

Destroying the terrorist training centres would be a big first step, but that's still attacking only the symptoms. We have to identify and cure the root cause. We might not be able to get each and every "visionary mastermind", but we definitely need to wake up the pawns and keep them productively occupied.

How do we WIN 'the war on terrorism'?
If there's one thing I've learned from resurgent crime and terrorism, it's that you can never win "against" them.
You just can't afford to play Win-Lose games, even if you're on the winning side...The problem with Win-Lose is that when you stop playing (beating them), the "losers" are gonna get back at you... (Just look at the Naxalites, Zimbabwe, South Africa etc)

Humans, today more than ever before, are "connected", for better or for worse. There cannot be a "them". There's only "us". Any viable long term solution has got to be Win Win.

What can WE do?
Mature, evolved people like you and I need to step up and spread some light in these dark, idle minds. We need some hard core Muslims [3] to get up and challenge fundamentalist ideology, teaching the kids to love and create, not to hate and destroy in the name of "God".
We have organisations like Isha Foundation and Art Of Living in India, which adopt villages, and educate+train the unemployed/uneducated/idle youth, equipping them with skills to make them self sufficient and productive.
We need similar efforts in Pakistan, and Afghanistan, in India and all over the world.
The problem is universal... In India, Pak, Africa, Ireland, everywhere! And not just in Hindu's or Muslims or any particular religion/sect.

Doing my bit...
I'm taking my first baby step. I've spoken to a couple of Muslim friends of mine (Indian and Paki), and we're planning to start an online community/blog thing to get things moving and gain momentum. Let me know if anyone's interested.

- Pratik

[1]Apart from solving the problem, Manmohan & Zardari need to play the political game right in order to remain in power. (An unfortunate result of the otherwise decent system of Democracy)
For Manmohan that means he needs to look like he's taking action. [pressurising Pak border].
For Zardari, he needs to look strong, secure and independent of India/US.
And the Kashmir issue makes co-operation even more difficult.

[2] Cleaning up includes punishing the terrorists and all their supporters, stifling their funds etc etc etc.

[3] Especially Muslims, cos ideas coming from an evolved Muslim might be more palatable to the ignorant, impressionable "less evolved" Muslim in Pakistan.

Monday, December 01, 2008

WITnessed : Untamed Africa...

(while Sneha was in South Africa)

Vikas
: So hows it going in Africa? Do you actually have to go hunting every evening before dinner?
Sneha : No I don't need to hunt Vikas, I'm vegetarian... :P
Vikas : So then all the wild buffaloes must be pissed off with you!
Sneha : Why? I don't think they'd be offended that I'm not eating them Vikas...
Vikas : Of course not! They'll be pissed cos your eating their food!

Quick Links :
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Saturday, November 29, 2008

WITnessed : Now THAT's how you start a diet!

Sneha : I wanna lose some weight before I come to India in Jan ya!
Pratik : So do what I had told you earlier... Its so simple...
Sneha : Seema was telling me about her 5 hr diet...
Pratik : What a random diet... I don't get the 5 hr funda man!
Sneha : She was telling me something about insulin and hormones etc, but I kinda tuned out...
Pratik : lol...
Sneha : I was like just tell me what I need to do!
Pratik : Ok, forget her diet, I'll tell you what you need to do...
Sneha : Yup, please tell me! But hang on a second, let me get some more food first... speaking of dieting already makes me hungry!

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Friday, November 21, 2008

WITnessed : Vegetables!

(A Brai is a typical South African barbecue)

Sneha : I dont know about Braiing your mushrooms and corn. Last time I gave the guy some chicken and still he was like "I don't brai vegetables".
Jo : Why!? Are you vegetarian!?
Pratik : Yup
Jo : Why are you vegetarian!?
Pratik : I like vegetables! : )
Jo : You know I eat vegetables too! I eat them whole... But I leave their wheelchairs alone - the rubber's too chewy for me.

For most those of you who didn't get it... This might help...

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Quotes : The Ultimate Sin

"There is no sin, except stupidity."
- Oscar Wilde

What do you think? Comment on...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Quotes : Virtues and Vice Versa...

“It’s been my experience that folks with no vices have very few virtues.”
-Abraham Lincoln

What do you think? Comment on...

Monday, October 20, 2008

WITnessed : Inner Conflict...

The third moral from Why Parents Will Never Understand Their Kids... And Also Why Uncles and Aunts Will Always Be Cooler! is...
Avoid having kids of your own! Be the cool uncle... ; )
The second I wrote this third moral, I had a deep inner conflict...
The reptilian part of me hard wired to survive and replicate did not agree with this... Thankfully, the other parts of me stepped in to resolve the issue...

Reptilian Pratik : Conflict! Must replicate! Must have kids! Gotta pass on the awesome genes!
Shrewd Investor Pratik : Kids are a HUGE responsibility! Little rewards and sooo much risk! Bad investment!
Mediator Pratik : Hang on guys... There has got to be a better way... I'm sure we can find a win-win solution to this...
Player Pratik : How bout we find a few hot women who want to give birth to lil Pratiks, but have no objection to them being raised by their respective reliable husbands?
Politically Correct Pratik : By hot, we mean intelligent, smart, funny and beautiful women...
Farmer Pratik : Yes! Sow seeds only in the most fertile grounds!

All Pratiks : *come to an agreement* Now there's a thought... ; )


Note: I'm kidding (somewhat)! But if you're a hot woman (as described above), feel free to send me an email along with a couple of recent photos of you... ; )

Quick Links :
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Why Parents Will Never Understand Their Kids... And Also Why Uncles and Aunts Will Always Be Cooler!

When (if) you have kids, you are going to be as unreasonable & overprotective with them as your parents are with you!

All of you must have heard "unreasonable" things from your parents... I know I did!

"Better be back home by 11:00pm!" (when I was 16)

"No you will not go riding into the hills on your motorcycle with your pals!"
"Forget your sports team/rock band/girlfriend... and focus on your studies!"

"You are going to do Engineering and then an MBA! Forget Arts/Literature/Commerce! What job will you get!?"

"Be back home by 12:30am!" (even today when I'm past 23!)

I'd often wonder... "Why!? Why!? Why can't they understand!? Why are they being soo worried/rigid/annoying/selfish/old fashioned/materialistic/unreasonable etc etc etc... Have they forgotten their young days? How can they not allow us to do XYZ when they've done the same things when they were our age?!"

In such frustrating times, I'd usually find solace in one of my cool uncles/aunts... (apart from bitching about discussing it with friends)

Everyone has that one cool uncle/aunt, who encourages you along your own personal path of madness... Uncle Cool actually "gets" you... He understands your aspirations even though he's from the same generation as your parents! He even has tips, tricks and anecdotes to share with you!

To add insult to injury, you see your Dad being super cool with your friends/cousins... and wonder why he can't be like that with you! Which, strangely, is the exact same complaint that your cousins/friends have about their parents - Uncle Cool and Aunt Hip.

I used to think - "My parents are crazy! But when I become a parent, I'm gonna be super cool!"
...till today when I was reading Paul Graham... He says...

The kids think their parents are "materialistic." Not necessarily. All parents tend to be more conservative for their kids than they would for themselves, simply because, as parents, they share risks more than rewards. If your eight year old son decides to climb a tall tree, or your teenage daughter decides to date the local bad boy, you won't get a share in the excitement, but if your son falls, or your daughter gets pregnant, you'll have to deal with the consequences.

AHA!

It's not that parents are selfish/unreasonable/materialistic/conservative/overprotective... They just do what makes sense, what every single person actually does - balance their own perceived risk and reward, pain and pleasure.

Parents' rewards...
They don't get the rewards of being out late partying, or of thundering across the mountains on you motorbike, or of being the college rockstar etc...
The only reward they get is the satisfaction that they're enabling their kids to experience life and do what they want...

Parents' risk...
They have as much risk as you do, if not more. If anything goes wrong, they will have to fix it for you, and support you emotionally and financially in dealing with the consequences. For them, it is added trouble that they can do without!

What about the Uncle Cool and Aunt Hip!?
They get the same reward of enabling/encouraging you to do what you want, of passing on valuable lessons and insights etc... of living their dreams through you... and the satisfaction of being "cool"...
Their risk? Not much really, because your parents will take care of you in case something goes wrong...

Moral(s) of the story :

1. Love your parents! They do a LOT for you! (Mamma, Papa, I love you!)

We are family!
2. Understand that your parents are not unreasonable/overprotective etc etc... When you want to do something, share more of the reward with them, and less of the risk. Whenever possible make the risk sound non existent...
; )

3. Avoid having kids of your own! Be the cool uncle... ; )

I've been kidding about this with my sisters for a while now actually...
"I'm not having kids... But you should have lots of kids... So that I can come over and totally spoil them! I'll buy them cool gifts, take them out on cool holidays, teach them cool stuff they're not supposed to know just yet... I'll be their cool uncle! : )"

[I just had a deep inner conflict...The reptilian part of me hard wired to survive and replicate does not agree with the third moral... Thankfully the other parts of me are stepping in to resolve the issue...]

Saturday, October 18, 2008

WITnessed : Wild Cats Return...

Fa : Pranay was wearing a damn cool t shirt... It had the PUMA logo with... blah blah
Pratik : hahaha... You know Sneha actually called it a tiger...
Fa : hahaha .. How stupid! She called the leopard a tiger!
Pratik : Erm... did you just call it a leopard?
Fa : Oh... no... errrrmm... I mean cheetah!
*Viks and I burst out laughing*
Fa : What is it? *embarrassed*
Pratik : I wonder what the PUMA logo could be... hmmmm... *sarcastic*
Fa : What does PUMA mean?!
Pratik : I don't know.. what does ADIDAS mean? What does NIKE mean? *sarcastic*
Fa & Uv : *thinking*
Uv : The Puma logo is some sort of wild cat...
Pratik : You mean like a puma... : P
Fa : Oh yeah! A puma is a wild cat! How could I forget..!?
*We all have a good laugh*
Uv : So what does ADIDAS mean!?

Quick Links :
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Friday, October 17, 2008

WITnessed : Spicy!

Over lunch...

Amar : I want Andhra Chicken Tikkas... The spice is good for my cold...
*the tikkas arrive and they're a little too hot to handle*
Pratik : What happened Amar? Enjoying the spice?
Amar : I wanted Chicken Tikka... This is just Chicken Teekha!

Quick Links :
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Saturday, October 11, 2008

WITnessed : Age No Bar...

Anu : That lady was asking bout you Chaddi... She thinks you're cute...
Chaddi : The old one? She's not bad looking...
Anu : She claims she's 30, but I'm pretty sure she's 45... She IS pretty hot for her age thoough!? The only problem is, she can be very anal!
*all the guys look at each other waiting for someone to say it*
Pratik : That's not necessarily a bad thing... ; )
*all the guys burst out laughing*
Anu : *gets it after a couple of seconds and is totally grossed out*

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Thursday, October 02, 2008

WITnessed : 32...

Over dinner...

Neha : I just don't understand numbers in Hindi...
Pranip : Ok, tell me what is "Buttees"? (32 in Hindi)
Neha : Erm... Um... 27? I don't know... How do you know!?
Pranip : "tees" is 30... so you should know that it is in the thirties...
Atul : Aur butt toh do hote hain... So 30 + 2 = 32!
(Translation : And your butt has 2 cheeks... So 30 + 2 = 32)

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Wednesday, October 01, 2008

WITnessed : Cost of Cool...

Chatting over dinner... I was talking about some of my prospective housemates...

Pratik : There was this one guy, who was pretty cool, but he wanted to pay 1000 bucks less rent.
Afrin : 1000 bucks less? How?! Why!?
Prashant : Coolness Cost! *wisecrack*
Pratik : I thought "There is no price for Awesomeness!" [1]... But evidently coolness costs 1000 bucks a month!

[1] The line is from Kungfu Panda... You won't get it if you haven't watched the first 5 mins.
(Killer movie btw! Loved it!)


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Sunday, September 28, 2008

WITnessed : Wrong Number...

Papa gets a phone call...

Papa : (on the phone) Hello...? Whom do you want?

*Turns out to be a wrong number*

Papa : I asked "Whom do you want?" and got the reply "Whom do you want?"
Mom : So who was it? If it was a female voice you should have said na... "You!"... hahahaha
Papa : Nooo... I don't do such things... *very matter-of-factly* Kahin peeche na padh jaye! (Don't want her to start stalking me!)

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

WITnessed : Food or Petrol?

While driving in the city...

Pratik : I need to start saving up for my South African Safari! I'm spending too much money lately...
Sailu : Why? Where does all your money go?
Pratik : Rent and car...
Sailu : Oh yeah! Petrol is expensive no? Maybe we should contribute for your petrol.
Pratik : Na... That's fine... The petrol's not a problem, its the car loan I'm paying off that's expensive! But you've got a point there... From now when we go out, you guys can pay for my food! : )
Sailu : Actually, I'd prefer the petrol option, you're car consumes less than you I'm sure!

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Monday, September 15, 2008

WITnessed : Existentialism...

Neha : Have you heard of existentialism?
Pratik : Yeah... It basically says that life has no great higher meaning. You can give it whatever meaning you want to. Do whatever you want to do with it.
Neha : That's it?!
Abhay : Exactly... "That's it!"...

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

WITnessed : Food for thought...

Over dinner...

*while waiting for dinner to be served*

Spandana : I've been vegetarian for a month now, but I'm having a horrible time with food... Why is it so difficult to get good yummy veg food in Hyd!?
Gitanjali : How can you turn vegetarian after eating non veg for so long!?

*short discourse on benefits of vegetarianism*


*when the waiter appears with our food*

Spandana : Ok people, get ready to attack the veg food. We've got to predate if necessary...
Gitanjali : Wow...
Spandana : Don't look at me like that... its a dog eat dog world out there!
Gitanjali : So says the vegetarian!

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Saturday, September 13, 2008

WITnessed : In agreement...

We were discussing something (irrelevant) over lunch, and Bagga is defending some point...

Bagga : I told Vaibhav about this, and he anonymously agrees!
Pratik : Erm... How exactly did Vaibhav manage to be anonymous?
Bagga : Oho... *realising his error* Not anonymous... I meant he unanimously agrees!
Pratik : Unanimous with... himself? lol
Bagga : Oho! *embarrassed and kinda confused* He just agrees yaar!

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

WITnessed : Kani's Dumbells...

While waiting for PowerPoint to open on Farah's laptop...

Kani : Aargh... I'm fed up of waiting... and this stupid dumbbell is sooo annoying!
Pratik : Erm... What dumbbell Kanika?
Kani : *very matter-of-factly* Arre... This one thats rotating whenever the computer is stuck.
Pratik : Erm... I think its an hourglass Kani. *controlling laughter*
Kani : No its a dumbbell! I've always called it a dumbbell!
*starting to feel a little silly*
But... it looks like a dumbbell!




Clearly Kani hasn't been to the gym in a while! : )

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WITnessed : Coke or Pepsi?

While planning a party...

Vikas : We've got beer and whiskey...
Farah : Now all we need is some cola...
Vikas : So Farah, are you Coke or Pepsi?
Farah : Neither... Right now I'm broke and sexy!

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Monday, August 25, 2008

WITnessed : Shaadi dot com!

Over lunch...

Abhay : My parents have already started looking for girls to get me married. You don't know how much pressure they're putting already!
Pratik : lol... You have a Shaadi.com profile and all!?
Neha : Some of my friends actually made a fake profile in college... and gosh we were flooded with mails!
Makku : Flooded with M-A-I-Ls or M-A-L-Es?
(hahahaha)
Pratik : M-A-I-Ls from M-A-L-Es...

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Friday, August 22, 2008

Pratik's Quality Principle...

"Never ever compromise on quality, even especially when
stuff is free or really cheap!"

...cos almost always, the free/cheap stuff is worth every penny you paid for it (not much)... and it will cost you more!

Storage cost...
Keeping it will cost you time and space...
eg. Say you buy a pair of pants on sale, and don't like them... They take up space in your wardrobe for years!
Image cost...
Everything that you own/use says something about you...
That cheap travel bag you bought is going to look cheap, making you look and feel cheap.
Fixing it cost...
Often, cheap stuff doesn't work, or you realise its not good enough to use.
Then, you need to fix it. Call the electrician, be at home for 2 hours while he tries to fix your "super cheap" cooler.
Getting rid of it cost...
When cheap stuff doesn't work or is too lame to keep, you (hopefully) finally cut your losses & get rid of it... This renders the time, money and energy you spent on the item a total waste, and it takes some more time and energy in disposing it off!
Standards cost...
Lower quality stuff just has this effect of lowering your standards... which might infect your other stuff too!
Mood cost...
Crappy stuff is very often annoying to use... and that can't be good for your mood!

Exceptions :
When you really like the cheap thing, and its part of the appeal...
eg. When you buy those funky Osho chappals... they're cheap, but they're cool... and you don't expect them to last too long...

Benefits :
Quality stuff lasts longer, is better to use, and in the long term works out more cost effective than buying cheap stuff! Good stuff feels good. : )

Disclaimer :
This principle applies when...
1. You're time is more valuable to you than some saved money
2. You can afford high quality
3. You appreciate high quality

Examples...
When I was in college, I used to buy tons of clothes in sales and on discount... I was "building up my wardrobe"...
eg. I dint have any collared t shirts... so I'd buy 4 of them at a sale, and be stuck wearing ill fitting collared t shirts for the next few months...
Grrr! If only I'd have taken my time to find 2 nice t shirts I really liked that fit well, it would have been a MUCH better use of my money and energy.

It applies to food as well.. We have free snacks at work every evening, and most evenings its something utterly untasty and totally unhealthy...
But still, since its there... for free... I'm like what the heck... and then after I eat the oil soaked pakora's and my stomachs all acidy, I wish I woulda followed my Quality Principle!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Pratik's Principles...

There are a number of principles that I have picked up...

Some came as common sense...
Some came from others' mistakes and advice...
Some others came through personal mistakes experience...
And then there are some that took several rounds of "experience" before they seeped through my skull...

"Pratik's Principle's" is a series where I'll record some of them... (the ones that can be made public..; ) )
For the benefit of mankind... and also cos I like giving gyaan... but mainly so that I become famous like good ol' Murphy and Pareto.
; )

Saturday, August 16, 2008

WITnessed : Going red...

Random office conversations...

Udayan : (says something about communism)
Abhay : I doubt you'll find any communist types here in Microsoft... If you do find one then he'd be a hypocrite... But then again... that is to be expected!
Mubin : Now, now! Don't say such things... Udayan might just go "red"... (red is the colour of communism)

(round of laughter and Udayan goes a little red)

Abhay : There are "supposed communists" everywhere! Even in the US...
Mubin : The only communist in the US is Santa Claus...
Pratik : huh!?
Mubin : He's the only one who wears red... And gives stuff to everyone for free!

(All of us burst out laughin... including Udayan)

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

WITnessed : Mom's Mane...

Mom had just had yet another "interesting" hair cut...

Sneha : Mom your hairs all over the place! You look like a lion!
Mom : If you have to call me that, call me a lioness at least!

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

WITnessed : Wild cats on shoes...

Sneha and me were looking for shoes in a Puma shop...

Pratik : Hey check these shoes out... How do you like them!?
Sneha : Hmm.... Nice... But I don't like the tiger there in the front of the shoe...
Pratik : Erm... I don't think its a tiger Sneha...
Sneha : How do you know?
Pratik : Erm... I'm guessing its a puma...

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Monday, June 30, 2008

WITnessed : Fa's Hair Styling Adventures...

Farah walks in with a... ahem radical new hair cut...

Pratik : What happened to your hair!?
Fa : I know I'm soo sad! I went to my hairstylist and she started of cutting it so well... It was looking really funky in the middle...
Pratik : Well, it is quite a master piece!
Fa : Yeah but in the end it went from masterpiece to disaster piece! :(

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Sunday, June 29, 2008

WITnessed : Holiday Shoes...

Pratik : We have to go backpacking in Europeby latest next year, before we get too rich...
Fa : What do you mean too rich!? You won't go backpacking when you're rich kya?
Pratik : I mean we should enjoy a nice low budget backpacking tour while we can, cos once we get rich we'll be all fancy and luxurious... Then we'll have holidays like Fa and family have in Europe...
Fa : Haw! We are not too fancy... We holiday on a shoe string budget ok...
Pratik : Which shoes Fa? Gucci?!

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Saturday, June 28, 2008

WITnessed : Food Habbits...

Over lunch...

Mom : When these kids were younger, I used to give them all kinds of food so that they'd develop a taste for all kinds of food...
Vikas : My mom has been trying since I was a kid, to instill the punjabi "tinda" taste in me...
Sneha : That obviously "tind" happen...

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Friday, June 27, 2008

WITnessed : Over Coffee...

Sneha, Fa and I were bumming around at some coffee shop...

Sneha : You wanna try some of this mocha-frappa-lappa-crapa-chino (i forget the name) coffee?
Fa, Prat : Nyeah...
Sneha : *sipping and smiling* My coffee is safe around you guys... None of you guys like coffee except me.

For those who don't know Sneha, she keeps making fun of everyone (namely Vikas and Divu) for "incorrect grammar/English"... This one's for you guys!

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Monday, June 16, 2008

WITnessed : Eatiquette...

Priya and 3 of her friends were planning to catch up over lunch. But then her friend's annoying girlfriend had to make her grand entry...

(while planning the lunch earlier)
Priya : So I'll book a table for four?
Friend : Err... Think that would be 5. My girlfriend's also coming...
Priya : Erm... too late, I've already booked a table for 4.

(later during lunch)
Annoying GF : Priya, why aren't you wearing your napkin on your lap? No one taught you how to eat with the napkin on?
Priya : Well actually, I was taught how to eat without spilling... :P

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

WITnessed : Bunking...

While bummin around at Barista...

Manisha
: I don't understand this "bunking" funda ya... I don't know how to bunk...
Pratik : How can you not know how to bunk? What'd you do in college?
Manisha : *very seriously* I just never used to attend college at all... So I never got the chance to bunk...
Pratik : Erm... That IS bunking Manisha...

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Monday, June 09, 2008

WITnessed : Feminist Tshirts...

(Random post lunch talks...)

Vidyuth : I thought of a cool T-shirt slogan! Let me ask you guys... What would an aggressive feminist write on her T-shirt?
(after no one can think of anything)
Vidyuth : "I've got a Dildo... and I'm not afraid to use it!". We should print T-shirts man!
All of us : hahahahaha... Good one!
Pratik : Neha, you want one?
Neha : haha... Yeah sure...
Pratik : I was talking bout the T-shirt, not a dildo... : p
All of us : hahahaha
GGG : T-shirt ke saath dildo toh free hoga!

Mr. GGG does not want to be infamous on the web, but since he comes up with the funniest lines ever, he shall feature in WITnessed (with his consent), but under the unanimously chosen pseudonym - Mr. GGG

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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

WITnessed : Silence is Golden...

We're all having dinner in the cafeteria...

Khushboo : I don't like people with attitude...
Pratik : What? Are you trying to say that Makku (Khushboo's "good friend") has no attitude?
Khushboo : Uhhh... Erm... *lost for words - looking to Makku to respond*
Makku : *grinning quietly*
Abhay : Why are you assuming that she likes him?
Pratik : Good point... Khushboo? Do you like Makku!?
Khushboo : Uhhh... *silent*
Neha : Hahaha... Silence... the best way to say "Yes"...
Abhay : (snaps at Neha) What shit!... Are you mad!? *intimidating*
Neha : *dumbstruck*... *silence*
Abhay : Point proven...
Pratik : She means "Yes"...

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WITnessed : Who moved my fridge!?

Pratik : Hey who moved the fridge man!?
Spandana : God must have!
Vidyuth : No I din't! *innocent* ; )

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Monday, June 02, 2008

WITnessed : Manya on Mallya's Royal Malady...

Manisha's from Bangalore and was supporting the Royal Challengers... (before the IPL began that is...)
I was making fun of her... Cos they sucked...

Pratik : I don't know what Mallya was thinking... Dravid, Joshi, Jaffer, Kumble, Chanderpaul, Kallis... Did he think the IPL was for Test matches?!
Manisha : I don't know what he was drinking... That Mallya chose his team like he's choosing wine... the older it gets the better!
Pratik : HAHAHAHA...!
Manisha : *continuing the bitching* Bloody "Royal Challengers"... What are they challenging - their age or what!?

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Sunday, June 01, 2008

WITnessed : Free Love...

Vid, Spandy and I were chatting...

Spandana : I've lived in a lot of old houses built in the 60's...
Vidyuth : Yeah the good old 60's...
Spandana : Those were the times...
Pratik : Yuck, I think now is so much better than the 60's...
Vidyuth : Free love and all man!
Pratik : But I like getting paid for it... ;)... *chuckle*

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

WITnessed : Propah Propaganda..

X (who you might know from here) and I were (again) having random, deep, and totally meaningless discussions over coffee...

We got down to making fun of each others schools...

X : Blah... Bloody Jesuit Schools...! (He's from a protestant school)
Me : These Jesuit Schools are really good man...! They're the one's that have educated and groomed most of the "India Shining" generation!
X : Blah... You're all religious propaganda!
Me : You're a bloody Mossie ProperGandu!
X : HAHAH! Good one! *Hi5!*
Me : Oops! (There was another gentleman close by who was obviously of the same religion community as X!)

Disclaimer : No offense meant to anyone or anything... or any saint or any prophet or any God for that matter.

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WITnessed : Colleague's evil MiniMe...

The Background :
Me and a colleague (who shall hereforward be called Mr. X) were having one of our usual random, inane but totally hilarious conversations... And somehow the topic of a "MiniMe" a la Dr. Evil (Austin Powers)...

X : Actually, I wish i had my own little mini me...
Me : Oh... He'd be such a bastard!
X : (with a huge smile) Yeah!...My daughter[1] could be my mini-me!
Me : Did you just call your own daughter a bastard?!
X : (still smiling dumbly)

*2 seconds later* : X's chasing Pratik all around the office!
*10 seconds later* : We're both on our asses laughing, while X is giving me appreciative hi5s!


[1] His Daughter is a super adorable, super naughty 3 yr old


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Monday, May 26, 2008

Test Matches vs IPL T20?

Test Match fans organise long boring protest against
IPL

"Attendance was poor", admit organisers.. "The protest was dull, long
drawn and din't have any actual result... just like atual Test matches!"
Check out the full report...

...from the Laugh Section of the Kolkata KnightRiders' website - Absolutely Howlarious!
Wasted my entire noon laughing at all their spoofs... and showing em to others...
An afternoon well spent!
; )

[credit]Suhas pointed it out[/credit]

Pet Peeves 2 : Dumbass Email Spammers!

Dumbass Spammers are sooo annoying (especially at work)!

Dumbass (at office) asks on an email list of about 100 people : "Hows so and so software app?"
Person who's used the app replies to all (good) : "I am using it from last 10 months… It rocks! : )"
Dumbass replies to all again : "Crashes? Memory corruption? Anything bad? Can I go ahead and install it?"

Would the guy be using it for 10 months if the app crashes the computer and corrupts memory!? DUH!

Another Dumbass Spammer tactic :
"Looping [large email group] on BCC so no one does a Reply All"

This breaks all "Email Filters and Rules" and lands the absolutely irrelevant mail in my inbox...!
GRRR!

Most Annoying Dumbass spammer tactic of all time :
Expanding an "Email Group" so that the mail is addressed "To" each and every individual member and not the "EmailGroupName". This breaks the email filters too!
And it gets worse... people "Reply To All" and start a loooong drawn absolutely irrelevant thread which gets more annoying with every email in my inbox! And there's no way out!
GRRR!!!!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Amitabh Bachchan's Blogging!

WOW!

When I first heard this, I thought it must be some fan masquerading as the BigB himself... But it turns out BigB has started a BigBlog!
Talk about Blogging going mainstream!

I was obviously curious, and checked it out... And its pure brilliance! With so much controversy surrounding him, and people slinging dirt all around, I can't think of a better platform for him to voice his side of the story, without having to bother with journos twisting his words and quoting out of context!

I love how he put Yamini Lohia in place (not a very nice place, but she had it coming!)
He also took on Shobha De, and defended his bahu (my beloved) Ash...

Blogging is THE best way for celebs to connect with their fans and clear out all the misinterpretations and controversies that the media stirs up!
All the power to you BigB!
Rock on...

Some Unsolicited Blogging Advice...

I know you're busy Mr. Bachchan, but maybe you should consider investing some time in thinking up slightly more informative titles than "Day 34 (i)"!

Also, the blog header is usually a small part of the visible page... Key words being "part of the page"... Maybe it would be a good idea if I could see at least the title (ahem) of the post without having to scroll down.

Also... Kudos BigAdda on getting the man himself to start his blog on your site!

Monday, May 19, 2008

WITnessed : Yash at work...

Yash sends this link to an article with the line...
"Wonder what the secret of his long life was..."

The article reports...

"Albert Hofmann, the mystical Swiss chemist who gave the world LSD, the most powerful psychotropic substance known, died Tuesday at his hilltop home near Basel, Switzerland. He was 102."

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WITnessed...

People I hang out with tend to be quite witty at times...
Or maybe I tend to hang out with witty people...

In either case, there tons of verbal gems, and a few absolute treasures thrown around...

I've been thinking of a place to jot these down...
Because...
1 - They're bloody hilarious! (intentionally or unintentionally)
2 - Some of them are actually very intelligent... (mostly unintentionally)
3 - It'll be hillarious looking back at them after a few years!
: )

So I'm starting a new "WITnessed" series on my blog...

Quick Link : The WITnessed series...

Pratik's Pet Peeves - The First Rant!

People replying to my email, addressing me as

"Prateek"

after I have signed the email as

- Pratik

GRRR!

Stop being a dumbass and learn to spell the name right!
OR
Stop trying to be creative and COPY + PASTE my name from my signature...
OR
Just say "Hey!" instead of "Hi Prateek!"

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Micheal Jackson meets Daler Mehndi!

Suleman Mirza rocks Britain's Got Talent!
Unbeleivably awesome jig!



Love it!

[credit]Yash pointed this one out[/credit]

Monday, April 28, 2008

Million Dollar Question!

Check out this 2 minute video from Who Wants to be a Millionaire...



Now THATs what I call winning in style!
Gotta love it!
: )

[credit]Abhay pointed out the video[/credit]

Monday, April 21, 2008

My slightly more active blog...

http://www.WebbingMyWay.com/